I am sick of my job right now. And it isn't the unfair manager, the shitty money, or the dullness. No. It is the other girls I work with. Counter Girls at Sunshine Pizza are hired to be pretty and fluttery and giggly. I know because my boss told me so flat out. The more I think about the fact that I was hired to be one of those girls that is selling my face (which is the most mild body part I could use to express how sold I feel) and not the food, the more I feel disgusted with my job. I laugh at things that aren't funny and I smile until my face hurts and flatter piggish men who hit on teen aged waitresses until I feel exhausted at the end of a measly 5 hour shift.
And it gets worse. I am surrounded by girls who are prettier than me and make more tips than me simply because they're really ditsy and cute while I'm just feigning it. I have always been so jealous of how they look like models ready to have their photos taken even when they're at work. And I hate myself for that jealousy because I know they only look that way because they are so concerned about how they look, so much more than anything else in life, that they spent one or two HOURS making themselves up to look like that just to go to fucking work. None of them have a brain in their poor little heads and I get jealous of them. Jealous that I'm not attractive like that.
Outside of the idea of selling myself as a waitress, when the hell did 'sexy' start taking two fucking hours to put on? Honestly? Why do people find the girls with 2 hours worth of makeup and hair styling to be so much more attractive than a real live women? It's disheartening, it's depressing, it's degrading, and it's fucking haunting.
At least I haven't done something about it. The bit of dignity I have left to hold on to is that I allow my time to be consumed with other people, books, and life to the point that I don't have the time to make myself look like them. That's that way it should be.
I know it must be hard to work around that. But I don't understand the beauty part. I always thought you were one of the more attractive girls at school.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand how you feel. I was told by many an employer that I would be fired if I didn't smile more, be more agreeable, make the customers feel more welcome. My argument was that wasn't it better for the customers to get a real smile than some false BS smile, does it really fool anyone?
ReplyDeleteI have had friends that needed two hours to get ready to leave the house, women that refused to even go to the corner store without full makeup and hair. They were so addicted to makeup and styled hair that they were crippled by it and now as they age they are slowly becoming addicted to things like botox and chemical peels and already thinking about mini facelifts. It's sad really because they are nothing but victims of our youth/beauty obsessed culture. A culture that embraced them completely at one time only to cast them aside later.
I've always considered myself to be lucky that I'm comfortable in my own skin and can live without wasting hours on an illusion. Sexy is not something you put on it comes from within.
Remember that you have much more to offer the world than perfectly done hair and makeup.