The Great Migration

This will be the first summer since I moved to Saint Helens that I will not be going to California to visit family and friends. However I am going to California this coming weekend to help my Aunt move. She is moving here and she is going to share a place with my mom. I think this is a great plan because my aunt will help my mom get her head out of her ass. Living with her big sister will make my mom feel embarrassed to be as careless as she usually is. No one else could have this effect on my mom because coming from anyone else she would just want to resist being controlled or changed. Also, this will be good for my aunt because her girlfriend just died a little more than a year ago and she could use some loving company.

I love me aunt Janice. She's great in every way. She was a crazy liberated hippie woman back in the early 50's, before it was cool, and so she has her biasis against religion and government that are understandable. She is a feminist when it is really no longer necessary, which I understand too seeing as how she grew up. She loves me, she treats me like a woman and not like her little neice, and she understands my issues with my mother.

I miss her, I can't wait to see her.

And also, I'm really excited for the 13 hour drive back when i'm driving her truck for her. Really, I am, it's a beautiful drive.

Speaking of Ms. Megan Fox

I am sick of my job right now. And it isn't the unfair manager, the shitty money, or the dullness. No. It is the other girls I work with. Counter Girls at Sunshine Pizza are hired to be pretty and fluttery and giggly. I know because my boss told me so flat out. The more I think about the fact that I was hired to be one of those girls that is selling my face (which is the most mild body part I could use to express how sold I feel) and not the food, the more I feel disgusted with my job. I laugh at things that aren't funny and I smile until my face hurts and flatter piggish men who hit on teen aged waitresses until I feel exhausted at the end of a measly 5 hour shift.

And it gets worse. I am surrounded by girls who are prettier than me and make more tips than me simply because they're really ditsy and cute while I'm just feigning it. I have always been so jealous of how they look like models ready to have their photos taken even when they're at work. And I hate myself for that jealousy because I know they only look that way because they are so concerned about how they look, so much more than anything else in life, that they spent one or two HOURS making themselves up to look like that just to go to fucking work. None of them have a brain in their poor little heads and I get jealous of them. Jealous that I'm not attractive like that.

Outside of the idea of selling myself as a waitress, when the hell did 'sexy' start taking two fucking hours to put on? Honestly? Why do people find the girls with 2 hours worth of makeup and hair styling to be so much more attractive than a real live women? It's disheartening, it's depressing, it's degrading, and it's fucking haunting.

At least I haven't done something about it. The bit of dignity I have left to hold on to is that I allow my time to be consumed with other people, books, and life to the point that I don't have the time to make myself look like them. That's that way it should be.